Sunday, April 26, 2009

Satyadeo ka naashta kisne churaaya

time: 16:40 hours (on someday of the year 1995)
Room number 1, Prem Aashram, Netarhat School, Ranchi, Bihar, India
(From next scenes, all other parts of address would remain the same so only the rooms would be mentioned)
Faira (Sorry, I can't recollect the parent-given-name of this 3-yrs-junior-to-me guy as the senior-given-name is too sacred to be forgotten) enters with a tray full of "SHAKARPAARE". He puts some barely perceptible amount of the sweet snacks on the 3 cupboards on the 3 corners of the room. Then he moves to the 4th corner which is evidently entirely different from the other corners. There is a big almirah, two cupboards entirely surrounding the bed, and a table with stuffs like a pen, nice looking table-watch, hair-cream etc., all seized from juniors. Well, this is the DEN of the most dreadfully-respected seniormost, Satyadeo-ji. He is not to be seen (Its "swadhyaay" time and not a soul is supposed to be anywhere else but at his bed, reading. Of course the guy who has to serve the evening-snacks is an exception as the school's tight routine only gives you 15mts between the time swadyaay ends and the time you are supposed to be at the gound for evening games). Well, Faira knows (EVERYBODY knows, for that matter) what to do. He fishes out as much of shakkarpaara as his smalls fists can manage, from the tray, puts it into satyadeo ji's marked bowl for snacks, which is too capitalist for the socialist principles of school. He repeats the ritual as the bowl is still too empty to avoid Satyadeo ji's wrath if its left like that. He is still not satisfied. Finally he empties almost 20% of the shakkarpaara on 1 person's bowl while there are 20 people to be given the snacks. Doesn't matter. Is that respect/care/../..??? Yes, its all those feelings which made him do so. But how did it all arise? Simply because of FEAR. Not a soul dare invite Satyadeo ji's wrath.

time: 18:35 hrs
Room number 2.
Anand, one of the 4 guys who are not scared of Satyadeo ji as they are from the same "seniormost" batch, and Satyadeo are having a deep discussion on how could the impossible occurance of Satyadeo's share of snacks got stolen, happen!!!! These two make wonderful friends (they still do) and now its a BIG thing that has happened and so they have got to do something about it. Anyway, Anand shares his if-not-20%-of-the-total-share-but-still-more-than-15% shakkarpaare with Satyadeo. Suddenly, in midst of the discussion, Satyadeo shouts "SITTU, IDHAR SUN BE. POORE HOUSE MIEN JISKE JISKE PAAS SHAKKARPAARA BACHA HUA HAI, LEKAR AA. ZALDI. BHAAG."
Anyway, aftersometime, the whole house is asked to come to Room Number 2. To Anand ji's room. He is the prefect afterall. Its Swadhaayay time again but School rules were written by few old people who succumbed to mortality long back, while senior's wishes/orders/whims are immortal. So, the whole bunch of 16 juniors appear in the room. All standing.
Satyadeo asks, just to make sure, James, Surd and Bhadar, if they took it. Being fellow batchmates, there are otherways of dealing with them, not the same way as you deal with juniiors doing such acts. After repated asking, its assumed they didn't do this. Then Satyadeo asks the juniors, does anybody wish to confess. Obvious answer. Its anybody's guess what would happen if anybody confesses.
Well, the the whole house (guys ranging form class VII to class X, aged between 12 and 17 yrs) is warned that now there are some nice expletives for the person who stole the shakkarpaaras and since nobody accepts stealing it, so lets enjoy the expletives to be bestowed on the person who stole it.
Everybody HAS to agree. Satyadeo again asks the three fellow batchmates. Its agreed upon to go ahead with the proceedings.
Mind you, its the age when some are aware of human-physiology and the terms associated with it and the popular terms for them, some are not at all aware and some might be more gyaani. But one thing is sure, none are so matured to not take the expletives of those kinds, personally, if its directed at them. So, begins the torrent of the most innovative expletives the audience of 19 ever witnessed. Starting from the "origin", (wherefrom the human lifeform originates), the expletives keep getting more and more innovative. Anand is roaring with laughter and so is Surd. Surprisingly James is quiet and Bhadar is too serious to be affected by all this as his mind is probably elsewhere (he must be thinking about the window-pane of the bio-lab he broke the other night to take out the skeleton to be hung on the school-main-building, which is a ritual of few chosen ones of every batch, to show the "machopana" of the batch. This was the batch of 1996 afterall). Juniors dare not laugh as its against the protocol to laugh, in front of seniors. They try hard to control the laughter. Anyway, the expletives, after exploring the body parts of the near and dear ones of the "thief", moves to one level higher to those parts being used used by other life forms like pigs as shitpots and the level just keep getting higher and expletives almost taking form of poetry. What a remarkable show it was. The show goes on for 40 minutes and then everybody is sent back to their respective rooms for swadhyaay.


  1. "too capitalist for the socialist principles of school"
    Abbe yaar..seedhe-seedhe "bhai-giri"!!

    By God ..kya atank machchaya hua tha!! But damn... I missed out on the gaali-galauj session..would have added some gems to my expletive vocab :D

    But in an all..Super Mast post..was a great read!

  2. Thanks to know that. Beleive me, NO article, how'er articulate in writing, can do justice to expressing the fun we had there. The best place on earth for me. People say you need to become a movie-star to enjoy all roles, but u just need to get into my school (its not that BIG fun anymore, I have heard) to play the role of a scavenger, a servant or a bhaai or even a God!!!!
    well, expletives expert ke liye, u rather goto my college at Kanpur. But Satyadeo was a born genius (he used to solve calculus while we were in VIII) so he had command on expletives quite early on. I have learned a lot from this friend of mine :-) (U can guess what all I must have learnt)

  3. maan gaye ustaad..!! expletives description,too good, but when left to imagination thr's major laughter riot in my evil mind and a chill in spine for those juniors..!! lolz..!!