Can love be so strong? Is that love??

Excerpts of a chat with a very good friend of mine(She happens to be a distant relative of mine)
I ask: When are you going to Patna?
Reply: Dont know. Mom has asked me not to come.
Me says: Well.Have patience. Its so nice to know that you are willing to patch up and ready to goto your home in Patna.
Reply: Yeah, I am. Lets see. I waited so long but nobody relented. I hoped they would soften as time heals all, but .....

This is a case of love-affair not acceptable to the bride's(or girl) family. She waits and waits and waits, hoping that her family would relent and then she would marry the guy in a traditional way its done in any typical indian family and at the end, everybody would be happy. But that had not to be. The reason, as I know - different castes.
I can fully understand any family's initial reservations against marriages amongst different castes/community/../..
The simple logic being its easier to adjust if the pair are from as similar background as possible. Obviously you would agree that if you have spouse 20 years your junior/senior, there would stark differenc in the way of thinkings of both, priorities,reaction etc. etc. Now since you cann't have it all similar(please, keep queit, those who are thinking in a skewed manner), soceity put criterions like religion. Maybe people found even in religion, different sects/community have different way of life, therefrom came caste as a criterion, i guess, for marriages. This is totally understandable.
(The way Ayn Rand didn't compromise when it came to expressing her philosophy through John Galt's speech in Atlas Shrugged, this is going to be loo..ng baby!!!! but then, the speech WAS loo..ng, wasn't it.)
Similarly when parents looks for a match for their son/daughter, they look at the age,studies etc. etc. other than religion/caste etc. (In fact, caste (i wont say religion) atleast has got a backseat in priorties, with time) (there are things like gotras blah blah which i m not too much aware of. Mom are u??? ). But all said and done, what do they do when suddenly their baby(!!!) of 20 odd years has decided to marry somebody who they would have never ever included in list of probable matches for him!!!
To any conflict, the simplest (I would say ONLY also) approach is dialogue.
In ANY family, its done when such situation arises.
The why does situation as above arise???
I am not at all in a position to answer. Neither my experience nor my studies make me capable of that.
I have seen another case, similar, quite closely.
My second jijaji is a punjabbi munda. Obviously(isn't it?) my parents didnt go all the way to Patiala and found a match for my dear sis. They decided after a few years of friendship in college, that they will marry each other. I remember, when I and my mom went to meet my to-be-jija. I was in 2nd year of undergrad then. I think my mom did talk to my didi suggesting dropping such plans many times and so did I. Whatfor?? I dont know. I guess, just b'coz that was my first natural reaction to her deciding such thing on her own, without consulting mom and dad. My mom had reasons - Punjab would be too.. far ,we dont know about those people, the culture would be so different, the language,..,.. . But maybe 2-3 years of friendship was enough for them to decide on taking this plunge and overcoming such trifles. Fine, mian biwi raaji, to kya karega kaazi. We all (not that my jijaji's side were very welcoming to the idea of having a bihari bahu from so different background) agreed to the pair's decision finally and now its as good as any marriage.
But not that I advocate this thing that parents should relent. I have a subtle point to make.
Couldn't my didi or the girl-in-chat agree to their parents wishes? Was it that difficult for them to understand that their parents would definitely find a more suited match for them than they themselves can. In my didi's case, fine, nothing was being compromised. My parents never put a clause - either we or he.But when it comes to compromising one to get other, what does one do? Do you break relation of 20 years to go for some relation 4-5 years old. Or do you do vice versa.
I put the above two examples to raise the issue/question. They dont indicate the type of cases I am to discuss or my recommendations.This is to open-ended thing to pass any verdict on. But lets carry on.
I never fell in love , but based on examples I see in daily life, I have observed (not the right word as who the hell has time/inclination to observe such a thing!!! rather i feel) that based on few days of acquaintance/friendship, you decide he/she is your love. Is that enough. Cann't it be phoney? Again mind u, me dont have experience. Are you as smart/dumb/dirty/../../ as in your daily life, when you are with a person of opposite sex whom you got infatuated-with/attracted-to based on the looks/smartness/../..(similar initial traits) or do you pretend. If you dont pretend, nothing beats that. perfect. but if you do, i guess, you are inviting trouble.
(I dont think Freud saw all the dreams to write interpretations of dreams, nor would have Maslow reached the last level of need and then gave his theory of five levles of need. So lemme write .....)
So, you got attracted (based on baseless things (with respect to commitment such as love/marriage) and then you try your best by looking good, nice talks, nice gifts etc. etc.to keep the affairs continuing. Generally as far as meeting few hours a day (who the hell are the lovers in this world having so much time.I am sure, none) it works. So, you become lovebirds and definitely few yearsof romance is enough to decide the compatibility. Looks and dress-sense wont last long and you get to know each other well enough. Then why the hell very few affairs break. The simple reason is that the way any husband wife apply effort to let the marriage life sail smoothly, so do the lovebirds (in fact they need to do less as its not marriage afterall).So, if you are doing that, isnt it as good as early marriage without parents' feedback/counsel. I would rather have people trying so many love-affairs before settling for a marriage.
(I dont need to mention that aspect of sex is totally kept out of this logical discourse, which is not fully justified, but, as i said, lemme write.... )
So, if what I said is correct, then wat follows is that after 3-4 years of love affairs, you ask your parents permission for marriage with him/her and then when they say its infatuation/not-so-thought-up decision, you feel they are being unfair. How can they say its not wise/thought-up etc. when it has continued for so long. But what you miss out is that they have their own experience (of their own marriage as well others' relatives/friends etc. etc. as to what it needs to build a successfull marriage and they want you to gain from that as they would want the best for you.
But that doesn't mean arranged marriage beats love marriage anytime. Love marriage is the best if its the one I am suggesting , tried and tested :).
The advantage love-marriage has over the arranged one is that you know the person much better and dont have to base the impression on one meeting (which can be phoney also!!) as in arranged one but then in arranged one, you give proper thought if the other person is going to be compatible with me for whole life or not, while in love, you dont think of compatibility-for-life for sure when you fall in love initially and generally the love culminates in marriage, so you know where the flaw is.
Actually my simple question, I meant to ask was, is love so sacred as we watch in movies generally or it can be one which is matter of not simply heart, but of brain as well. Think-and-then-fall-in-love types!!!!! And be open to suggestions and when thing as marriage is concerned, don't look at your love as only option, talk to him/her about the future compatibility, adjustments and all the things you might never have discussed earlier, before jumping for thing as great as marriage and then decide. If things look fine, no need, as the other side you have uncharted waters while here you have something you know much better. If not, dont stick to love just for reason as commitment(keep that for marraige :) ).There are many more things which you realise if you are open to listen. Dont blindfold yourself. I somehow feel, love is not so sacred, but one doesn't try at all.
What do you say about "Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam"???
(Of course you have to stop somewhere!!!! Let it be once you get married :-) )
The way you love your parents the max, just for the sheer coincidence that you were born to them, but both u and your parents know/feel/../.. mutual love has to be there, so it grows to such a great extent. Similarly, thats what happens in any successfull marriage, you know love has to be there and both grow it and it works. Love is developed and you have to work on it which one can do easily if he/she wishes.